You Better Not Cry

By Augusten Burroughs
Published by St. Martin's Press
November 2009

If you've read anything by Augusten Burroughs, you know he's led a fantastical, demented life. I don't always believe everything he writes, but I certainly enjoy his writing style.

In this book of short stories for Christmas, Burroughs made me laugh out loud, shake my head in disbelief, and catch my breath at the beauty of his writing. How much love do you carry for one single person in your life that will make you write:

"Because he will grip you by the shoulders and wrench you around and he will bring his bristly mouth to yours and blow stars down your throat until you are so full of light."

Beautiful.

On the other hand, the first story - which details Burrough's childhood confusion of Jesus and Santa had me roaring with laughter.

With respect to the messed-up messages of watching Christmas shows on television:

"...Jesus brings presents to all the poor, foreign, and crippled children and Santa brings presents to the regular children, like me."

And explaining his confusion to his grandmother:

"But then I heard this song called, 'Here Comes Santa Claus' and it goes, 'Hang your stockings and say your prayers, 'cause Santa Claus comes tonight,' and I realized, 'say your prayers' means they are the same person. It's just that, most of the year, Jesus is naked except for his little rag and his thorn hat and then on Christmas, he puts on his good red suit."

To put it in text-messaging parlance - LOL!!

Write more books, Augusten Burroughs (and send them all directly to me)!